All That Remains Read online

  Damn her! he shouts in his head as he tightens his shoelace and slips on his headphones, readying himself for another run to cool his emotions. Pressing play on his iPod, heavy guitar riffs assault him, and the noise temporarily drowns out his thoughts of Austin and Jules.

  With nothing else to occupy his mind, he will concentrate on the game, on school, and on getting over her. He is done. Whatever they want to do with each other will be their business. His therapists had been right. Dr. Steel had told him he needed to concentrate on himself before trying to work on his love life. That’s what he will do now.

  As he runs, he plans out the next few weeks. He can get by without seeing Austin for another three weeks before he has a free weekend and his dad will expect him to support A&M and attend a game. Three weeks to come to grips with his new reality. Three weeks before he might have to see them together, if they’re even together.

  The thought of finding some girl to take the edge off crosses his mind, but he quickly discards it. He has no interest in meaningless sex anymore. Not yet anyway. ‘Give it time,’ Dani suggested when he talked to her. She’d listened to him cry into the line and pour his heart out and she’d offered him the only advice she could. Time.

  Fifteen

  Jules

  Jules finds herself too busy over the course of the next few days to worry about the ramifications of her night with Austin. With her full load of classes, clubs to look into, and Katie and Jess dragging her to rush week - even though she still isn’t sure if she wants to rush - she keeps herself busy. Delaying the inevitable decision she needs to make. She meets Austin a few times, always with friends for meals or coffee. They talk and cut up, like they did back in July when they first bumped into each other, and Jules carries the hope that perhaps the awkwardness is gone between them. Then, each time the thought enters her mind, she notices the way Austin’s eyes follow her around. He doesn’t ask about her feelings at all, though; and as much as she misses the comfort of being closer to him, she stays back. Maintaining a friendly distance until she can figure out what she wants or, more accurately, how to tell him what she wants. Game day Saturday, two weeks after the call with West, things work themselves out on their own.

  * * *

  “I can’t believe I let y’all talk me into going to a game,” Cassie groans as she and Jules make a coffee run on campus before meeting up with friends to tailgate.

  They weave around groups of students and visitors as they make their way across campus. The pre-game excitement is in effect and Jules laughs as Cassie frowns at the rabid fans in their school gear, cheering and partying all before ten a.m.

  “It’s all part of the college experience.” Jules teases looking around at the chaos.

  “So are mono and the freshman fifteen, but we’re not running out to sign up for that now, are we?”

  “Ha, ha. Besides, it’s time to get your hottie self out of the library and into the mix.”

  “Jules, you know I’m not looking for a guy,” Cassie needlessly reminds Jules.

  They pass a group of shirtless guys playing a game of touch football in the courtyard and Jules nudges Cassie’s shoulder, nodding their way.

  “I know, I know. If any of the mega hot, ripped frat boys bother you, just tell them you have a boyfriend at home. No pressure.”

  “Mega hot and ripped, huh?”

  “Girl, this is Texas. You know we breed them nice and strong.” She winks and Cassie almost trips over her own feet as she laughs.

  They reach the coffee shop and Jules opens the door and runs directly into Mindy, who is leaving, a tall frappuccino in hand.

  “Jules!” Mindy’s voice is overly loud as she steps back. “Hi. Um… you look good. How are you? All healed and back to one hundred percent?” She trips over her words awkwardly and while Jules had liked Carson’s fiancé when they met last fall, this is just uncomfortable.

  “Hey, um… yeah, I’m better. Thank you,” she offers, standing half in and out of the coffee shop as Mindy blocks her entrance. “Oh, this is Cassie, my roommate. Cassie, Mindy.”

  The girls smile at each other timidly, but Mindy looks uneasy and fidgets with the sunglasses on her head.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you at the hospital, I wanted to… but after the fight your dad had with West, we all figured we should stay away.”

  “Don’t be silly, you didn’t owe me a visit-” Jules replies. She starts to tell her she holds no ill feelings for them not coming to see her. She’d spent one weekend at their house; they didn’t know her all that well. “Wait. What fight with West?” she asks as Mindy’s words register in her mind.

  “Excuse me,” a student behind them grumbles and Mindy steps back and to the side to allow Jules and Cassie to enter and let the person by. Once in, Jules levels her gaze on Mindy, waiting for an explanation.

  “Right,” she answers slowly. “You still don’t know everything, do you?”

  “If there was some kind of fight with my dad and West at the hospital, then no. Apparently, I don’t know everything.”

  Mindy’s face scrunches as she eyes Jules thoughtfully.

  “Ummm, why don’t I grab our drinks,” Cassie offers, stepping away.

  “Look, I have no right to ask you this… but what’s going on with you and Austin?” Mindy asks when Cassie leaves them alone.

  The change of subject irritates Jules more than it should and she replies back with a bit of a bite in her tone, “You’re right, you don’t have the right to ask me that.”

  “Fair enough,” she replies with a curt nod. Stepping around Jules, her hand grasps the door to the shop and she adds, “Do yourself a favor and get all of the facts before you all get hurt, again.”

  She walks through the door and turns at the last minute, pushing the door back wide. “Jules, please don’t pit those two against each other. They’re brothers to me and I love them.” Jules stands there, Mindy’s plea like a spoon digging into her fragile heart and scooping away pieces. “I know you care for them, too, and for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re okay. We were worried about you.”

  Jules stands at the window of the shop and watches Mindy walk away. The moment leaves her both confused and resolute in what she needs to do.

  “You okay?” A tall mocha is waved in front of her face and Jules looks at Cassie. “Wanna talk about it?”

  “You just gave me coffee. I think I’ll be okay.”

  They push through the crowd without another word. The scene never leaves Jules’ head as she tries to smile and make small talk with the other students grilling outside and drinking before the game. Cassie throws worried glances her way now and then, but Jules smiles and nods, trying to prove she’s fine.

  * * *

  A few hours later, she’s passing boxes of Chinese back and forth with Austin in his room after a rainy victory against an out of conference rival. She’s bundled in his over-sized sweatpants and huge sweatshirt to ward off the permanent chill in her bones from the elements and her own wet clothing. The steady rain that moved into the area during the second half of the game is still going strong outside; the wind drives the water into his window as they eat. They originally had plans to hang with their friends, but after her run-in with Mindy, Jules asked Austin if they could be alone. They’ve been eating in silence for twenty minutes with a random assortment of Austin’s music playing in the background as they stare at their chopsticks and out the window at the mess outside. The early evening sky is darker than it should be with the weather, and the room is dimly lit by only a string of beer can Christmas lights above his bed and the bedside table lamp.

  “I ran into Mindy this morning,” she remarks nonchalantly as she picks out a chunk of chicken from the chicken fried rice.

  “Yeah?”

  “She had some interesting things to say,” Jules hints, and Austin smiles. She reaches for the box of broccoli chicken at the same time as he does and their hands fight for the container. “You haven’t talked to West abo
ut us, have you? Or Carson either?”

  He gives up the broccoli and leans back crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Well?”

  “Well what?” he asks innocently and she tips her head. “No, okay? No, I haven’t talked to them. I’ve been busy and I was waiting for something to tell them.”

  “So, he still thinks we spent the night together.”

  “We did spend the night together,” he points out and she thrusts the broccoli chicken at him in anger.

  “Not what I meant and you know it.”

  “What else did she say?” he asks as he takes the food from her and sets it on the bedside table. He moves the plate of eggrolls and box with spicy chicken, as well, until there is nothing left between them. Jules wipes her hands on her napkin and stretches her legs over the edge of the bed.

  “That’s the interesting part, actually. She said that my dad and West had some fight. That that’s why she and Carson didn’t come see me.”

  She watches his face closely; the small flinch he makes at her words proves something had indeed happened at the hospital between her parents and West. Something she knows nothing about.

  “Come here,” he says, scooting forward towards her and cocking his finger at her.

  “Why?” she asks as she does what he requests.

  “Kiss me.”

  “What!” Jules jerks back incredulously.

  “You heard me. Kiss me. Let’s figure this out.”

  “Let’s figure this out? Do you hear yourself? If that’s how we are approaching this, then I think we’ve already figured it out, Austin.”

  A long sigh falls from his mouth as he collapses back onto his pillow. “Damn it,” he grumbles and cover his face with his hands.

  She can’t help but smile a sad smile at his frustration because she feels it, too. She curls up next to him, careful not to touch him, as she props her head up and looks at him.

  “I met this girl.”

  That was the last thing she expected to hear. “You what?”

  “There’s this girl… I don’t even know her name, but she’s different and she seems to hate me which is-”

  “A first for you.” Jules laughs lightly when he doesn’t seem to know what else to say. No wonder he’s been distant this week.

  “Different, frustrating,” he concedes, dropping his hands and rolling to his side. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’re not hurting me. Oh, Austin, this is our problem. We’ve both danced around the truth for two months now because we’re too damn scared to admit our feelings.”

  He nods.

  “You and I sounded nice to me. It sounded safe. I’m sorry I led you on like that.”

  “C’mon, Jules, don’t blame yourself. I knew better. We both know nothing was going to work between us, even if we had tried. Neither one of us could hurt West that way.”

  Jules tries to shake off his mention of West, but Austin’s hand touches her chin. “Don’t pretend like he doesn’t care. You know he did… he does. Stop acting like what you two had isn’t something worth fighting for.”

  Her eyes blur as tears invade them. “Then why hasn’t he tried to fight?”

  “He has.” She starts to argue and he stops her. “He followed us to that party where you told him to go away. Then he spoke to you at the vigil. He asked to call you, didn’t he?”

  “Yeah, but.”

  “But nothing, I’ve told you all this time you needed to let him tell you what happened. Do you think you’re the only one who is scared? What he did wasn’t easy either, you know.” Austin sits up. It is the first time she’s seen him defend his brother to her so forcibly and she wonders where this has been all this time.

  “I’ve been a shitty brother,” he says out of the blue. “You know, he gave me his phone when he left. He wanted to cut all ties and figured I could keep up with any calls that were important and relay the messages to him.”

  Her eyes go wide and he nods at her understanding of what he is saying. All the voice mails and texts she sent West those first few weeks run through her mind and her stomach turns at the memory.

  “Jules, I had to listen to your calls and your pain for weeks. It was hard as hell to hear that. You were so broken and I began to hate West for what he did. I…”

  “Is that what this has been between us?” She waves a shaky hand, pointing from her chest to his. “You felt pity for me?”

  “No! Not at all. I admired your strength. That last message you left him, the one where you said you were done waiting for a boy to come back for you, that you didn’t need a guy. I admired you for that. For what you’d been through and what you were overcoming,” he explains and Jules recalls the day she left that message. It was the first time she’d taken steps again without assistance. It was the day she knew she would truly heal physically.

  “He cut me out, too, you know. He would barely speak when I’d call him. So here I was listening to your hurt and getting nothing but silence from him. I let what you were going through overshadow what he was dealing with.”

  She takes a shaky breath and sits up beside him on the edge of the bed. “What was he dealing with Austin? What am I missing here?”

  She waits, sensing his reluctance to fill her in on West and she wonders how she is supposed to work towards forgiveness if no one will tell her the story.

  “He loved you, Jules. Everything he did, he did because he wanted to make things right for you.”

  “But you’re not going to tell me.”

  “I don’t know it all. I don’t know where he was coming from. I know parts. I know it wasn’t easy for him to leave Tyler. He had demons to deal with just like you did.”

  Her head slips down to rest on Austin’s shoulder and she sighs at the heaviness in her heart. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what I want. I miss him so much, Austin… and yet-” She bites her lip, sucking in a deep breath at the pain she still feels from his abandonment. “Yet, I don’t know how to forget the hurt he caused.”

  “I know,” he offers and pats her thigh. “No one said love was easy, huh? It confuses the hell out of me.”

  A small chuckle escapes her lips at his disgruntled sigh and they spend the evening listing all of the reasons the world would be better without the confusion of falling in love.

  Sixteen

  West

  Four wins down, eight more to go! West thinks to himself as he exits the athletic building and heads to his truck. Ignoring the come hither stares of the football groupies hanging around the gates, he nods politely as he makes his way across the parking lot where he spots Austin. He’s leaning casually against his car, which is parked next to West’s truck. When he’d planned the three weeks he would have before he thought he’d have to attend Austin’s game with his family, he’d completely forgotten that A&M had an off week before he did. It didn’t occur to him that his traitorous brother would be here for this game. His fist tightens as he looks at him standing there, his best friend, pretending all is good between them.

  “Good game, bro.” Austin smiles as West walks by and unlocks his truck. He tosses his bag into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind him before he faces Austin.

  “I have every right to kill you right now.”

  “Dad would probably disagree-” Austin starts.

  “Don’t screw with me, Aust… if Dad knew what you’re doing he’d hold you down while I pound on you.”

  Austin stands straighter, stepping towards West and West’s fists clench and unclench again; the itch to punch Austin is stronger than it has ever been.

  “Really, little brother?” Austin challenges, his face no longer filled with humor. “You want to fight me, over this, over a girl?”

  The fact that he would call Jules ‘a girl’ both infuriates him and makes him laugh at the same time. It’s not the first time they’ve stood five feet apart, both flexed up and angry as hell, but it’s the first time he’s ever truly wanted to do physical
harm to his brother.

  “She’s not just some girl, and you damn well know it. Are you with her?” He watches his brother’s face closely. “I don’t have a lot of patience when it comes to this subject, Aust, so don’t screw with me here.”

  “Ha!” Austin barks out a harsh laugh, catching West off guard. “No patience, really? You’ve been sitting on this for three months. You could have gone after her. I would say you have the patience of a saint.”

  “That’s not the deal here and you know it.” He looks at Austin with his arms crossed over his chest and suddenly he doesn’t have the energy to fight. “Forget it. I can’t deal with looking at you, much less talking to you.” Skimming his fingers through his wet hair, he steps back and waves his arm in disgust.

  “Running again? I thought you fixed that at Crestdale?”

  “Are you…” West’s words mumble out incoherently as he spins on his heal and launches himself at Austin. His forearm pushes across Austin’s chest as he pins him to the side of his small sports car. “What is your problem, man?” he shouts into his brother’s face. “You think this is a joke? I was serious; I want to kick your ass, Austin. I’m trying to contain it, but damn you! You have your pick of any girl you want and you went after mine. Mine!”

  “She’s not yours West.”

  “Like hell she’s not! I just needed a little more time. I need to follow the plan.” West pushes Austin against the car once, and steps back throwing his hands up. “Stay the hell away from me, got it?”

  West looks up, finding several curious stares from teammates in the parking lot and he curses softly. He leaves Austin standing there and walks around to his door. One of the linemen parked a few spots down points behind him and shouts out a warning at the same time as Austin pushes him from behind. Spinning him around, Austin throws his body into West’s and pins him forcibly against the truck door.