All That Remains Read online

  * * *

  Memories from a year ago assail him as the familiar pull that has always brought him to her side pulls him her way. He recalls the mounds and mounds of flowers, pictures, letters, and stuffed animals that surrounded the large tree at center city when the town had gathered for the first vigil in honor of the dead. He remembers taking her hand and pulling her away from a pushy reporter who was bugging her for an interview. That moment had been so pivotal. That was the night he’d told her he would be her strength, that she wasn’t alone.

  He comes up behind her, the urge to slip his fingers into hers makes his hand hurt, and looks over her shoulder to see what is holding her attention. There’s nothing. She’s standing there, her candle burnt out in her hand, simply looking down at the empty ground.

  “I still feel alone sometimes.”

  Her voice startles him and he steps forward hesitantly agreeing with her. “I know the feeling.”

  Her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath, but she doesn’t look at him and he doesn’t know what to say. Nine months of wishing he could make things right between them goes out the window every time he’s around her because, no matter what he learned in counseling, he still feels as if he’s not worthy. He feels as if he might screw it all up again, and hurting her isn’t something he wants to do ever again.

  “It’s hard to believe it’s been a year already,” he says.

  She laughs lightly and he closes his eyes, savoring the sound. “It feels like a lifetime ago to me.”

  The comment digs into his heart, cutting deep, and makes him want to drop to his knees to beg for forgiveness.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?” She finally looks his way.

  His eyes hold hers before he shrugs without a word and Jules’ face falls after a moment. She’s getting ready to step away. He can feel it; she’s about to leave because he’s said nothing to make her stay and he breaks. His hand reaches out and takes hold of her wrist as her body leans away from his.

  “I’m sorry this past year was so painful.”

  Jules’ head tips to his hand on her arm before she gently tugs it away, nodding and scratching her forehead in agitation.

  Taking note of her mood, he changes the subject. “The town looks good, it seems like most of the shops and offices downtown have been built back.”

  “Yeah, it won’t be long before everything is back to normal. Or to the way it used to be.”

  “Nothing will ever be normal again.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” Her hand rubs her arm as she looks about. “You know what, I should go.”

  Terrified of her walking away, he tries to bare a small piece of his soul.

  “I thought it all happened for a reason, remember that? I believed there was a purpose to the madness of the pain we were going through.” He takes a breath before continuing and Jules wraps her arms around her midriff.

  “West-”

  “I used to believe in happy endings, Jules. I’m not so sure if I do anymore.” He interrupts her, pushing the words from his lips and shocking himself as he admits the thoughts his mind teases him with so often. “You’re right, it does seem like a lifetime now.”

  “I can’t… West, I-” she falters, her mouth opening and closing. She reaches into her shorts pocket and pulls out her cell phone. “It’s Katie, she’s waiting for me. I need to go.”

  “I can give you a ride home,” he offers quickly.

  Her hands rub together, making fists as she shakes her head. “Um, thanks, but we’re heading back to campus tonight. I was supposed to meet her at her car, so I better go.”

  “Why aren’t you staying here?” He kicks himself for prying. “Sorry, it’s not my business.”

  She doesn’t answer him, which is technically her way of saying it’s not his business, and he grasps at one last straw.

  “Can I-” He wants to offer her a ride back to school, three hours in his truck for them to talk and work things out, but he stops short. Baby steps, West. Baby steps, he reminds himself. She’s waiting for him to finish his sentence and he swears she looks tense, expectant to hear what he will say.

  “Can I call you sometime?” he finally asks lamely, feeling as if he’s back in middle school again.

  She frowns slightly and shakes her head, “I don’t think-”

  “Please. I owe you an explanation, Jules.”

  Her trim shoulders shrug as she takes a deep breath. Her voice is barely audible when she answers him, “I have the same number. Why don’t you text me.”

  West nods his head.

  “All right then, goodnight,” she offers, turning away, and his eyes follow her as she gracefully leaves him behind. She’s almost twenty feet away when she stops, her back straight, and she wipes her right palm down her shorts at her hip.

  “Hey, West?” she calls out, not bothering to turn and face him. “Just so you know... I will never stop believing in the things you find so unbelievable.” For a moment he’s confused and then she adds, “Maybe happy endings just take time.” She starts walking again and West’s mind reels.

  Is she giving him a door to make things right? He doesn’t stop to think. He doesn’t want to.

  “Jules!” he calls out, getting ready to jog after her. She spins around, her red hair following her movement and swinging around, falling over her shoulder as she looks at him with her brow arched in question.

  “Text me,” she replies with a nod, not letting him get a word in before she speeds up to find Katie.

  Thirteen

  Jules

  The smile on her lips remains long after she leaves West standing at the tree in town. Katie doesn’t ask questions when she meets her at the car and they drive back to campus with the radio singing to them. A week ago, when West found Austin and her outside of the party, she couldn’t look at him. Tonight, she still couldn’t look at him. It took all she had not to throw herself into his chest and beg him to hold her. She resisted not because she doesn’t want him, but because she’s scared.

  “I saw you and West talking,” Katie mentions, pulling Jules from her thoughts.

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah… annnnnd?” Katie drawls.

  “And what?” Jules shrugs and tries to play it cool.

  “Oh Juliet, my dear,” Katie breaks out in her best Shakespearean accent. “You know you can’t hide that smirk from me. What did Romeo have to say?”

  Jules rolls her eyes at her best friend. “He asked if he can call me.”

  “Well that’s good, right?”

  “I guess.” Jules didn’t take much time to think about it when he asked. His admission that he isn’t sure if he believes in happy endings anymore had taken her by surprise. His asking her if he could give her a ride, even more so. When thoughts of West enter her mind, the need to protect herself overrides all other thoughts she has. She can’t go through it again. She can’t do it to her family or her friends. No, if he wants to patch things up, and after their meeting it seems likely, he’s going to have a lot to prove. “Actually, I told him to text me.,” she admits. The headlights from the car behind them reflect in the rear view mirror barely enough for Jules to see Katie frown.

  “Text?”

  “It’s a start, K. Don’t give me crap about it.”

  “I’m not! I’m just surprised, that’s all. I mean, a week ago you wanted his head on a platter after his fight with Austin. This week you’ve acted like everything was great and now you’re telling me you gave him the okay to get in touch with you. I just want to know where your head is at.”

  Jules laughs sarcastically, “I’ll let you know when I know.”

  * * *

  They’re pulling back to campus around midnight when Katie’s phone goes off. The A&M fight song clearly identifying Jeff as the caller.

  “Hey, baby! Are you guys back to campus yet?”

  Jules picks up her phone to scan her social media as it vibrates in her hand.

  Austin:
Almost back. How was the vigil?

  They’d both been busy with their first week of classes and Austin with practices and last minute game prep that they’d barely spoken more than a few text messages. When they did talk they stayed away from two subjects: West and their feelings for each other.

  The team played a West Coast game this afternoon and is en route back to school by bus. Katie and Jules were able to catch most of the game at home before heading to the vigil. Thankfully at that point, A&M was crushing the other school and there was no contest.

  Jules: Hi! It was nice. Different. It felt strange to be home again.

  Austin: I bet. I haven’t been to Tyler much since senior grad. Wish I could have been there.

  Jules: I know, I would have liked you to be there.

  Jules: Um, West was there.

  Austin: He was? I didn’t know he was going, sorry! I would have told you if I did.

  Jules: So you haven’t talked to him about the fight?

  Austin: No.

  Jules: I don’t want you two fighting bc of me.

  Austin: no worries

  Austin: k?

  Jules: ok

  Austin: Hey, I’m starving. Wanna grab some breakfast?

  They’ve both become pros at changing the subject lately. Jules laughs as Katie parks in the first vacant spot they can find in the dorm lot.

  Jules: Breakfast, huh? It’s after midnight

  Austin: and??

  Austin: <—football player!!

  Jules: lol… fine.

  Austin: pick you up in about thirty!

  Jules: kk

  Getting out of Katie’s car, she grabs her overnight bag from the backseat and walks back to the dorm while Katie chats with Jeff.

  “See you in a bit. Love you,” Katie says, finishing her call and smiling at Jules.

  “The busses are just off campus. Jeff is coming to grab me for a while.”

  “For a while or for the night?” Jules teases, as they enter Ward. The common area is littered with a few students hanging out talking and eating pizza, and Jules smiles at one of her friends from Bio.

  Katie presses the elevator button, “We’ll see.”

  They pass Jess and Cassie’s door first and Jules notices the note on their white board. “At party, text me -J.” Cassie’s side is empty and she wonders if her new suite mate is in. When they enter their own room, she drops her bag by her closet and strips her dress off, quickly pulling on the first pair of comfy yoga pants and tee shirt she can find. Katie does the same thing and they share a laugh. Using the restroom, Jules checks and finds the bathroom door to Jess and Cassie’s room locked. Typically, they leave their bathroom doors open unless they want privacy, so she decides against knocking to see if she’d want to go out with her and Austin. Instead, she flops down on her stomach and allows herself to replay her moments with West at the vigil as she waits for Austin to get there.

  * * *

  Feeling hot and cramped, Jules wiggles as the sound of something vibrating goes off near her ear. Slapping the shelf at the head of her bed, she feels around for her phone while trying to pull herself fully awake.

  “Hello?” she grumbles sleepily into the phone. She tries to shift in her small bed, her arm bumping into something, and she yelps when she realizes that something is a someone.

  What the…!

  She practically falls off the edge of the bed as Austin grunts from her elbow and an achingly familiar voice speaks into her ear.

  “Uhhh, sorry. I’m looking for Austin,” West says, and she yelps again. “Jules! What? Did I dial you… nooo, holy shit! I dialed Austin. Are you…?” The line goes silent and time stops as she takes in Austin’s sleepy face and listens to West’s hurt voice. “I’m sorry. Shit, you know what… forget I called! Forget everything!”

  The cell phone beeps, signaling the end of the call, and Jules drops it to the bed as Austin sits up slowly.

  “Jules?” he asks, his voice thick with sleep. “What time… oh man. It’s morning,” he confirms as he looks at his watch. The heavy curtains she and Katie hung block almost all of the light from the room. His confusion, mixed with sorrow, pulls Jules from her frozen state and she rubs her face hard.

  “Oh my God… oh my God,” she mumbles, scooting to the edge of the bed and turning to slip off.

  “Whoa!” Austin’s large hand grabs her shirt and she stops. “Nothing happened. I just-”

  Twisting, she hits at his arm and pushes at him until he’s backed against the brick wall. No wonder she was hot and cramped when the phone starting ringing. Austin’s body had been pressed up against her side.

  “Nothing happened? Nothing!” she shouts, standing and rounding on him. Her hands rake through her mass of knotted hair. “That was West! WEST! He thinks… oh God… he thinks we’re sleeping together now. Damn it, Austin! What are you even doing here?”

  “Jules, hun. Calm down,” he asks patiently, moving to his knees and inching towards her.

  “Keep calm?” Hysterical laughter explodes from her lips as she falls onto the oversize beanbag on the floor by her bed. The swooshing sound of her weight hitting the bag fills the room and she throws her head back, looking at the ceiling of her room.

  The bed creaks under Austin’s weight and Jules closes her eyes. Her mind races at the disaster they’ve created. Forget everything. Those are the last two words West said before he hung up. What does that mean? she wonders.

  “Come here,” Austin asks, leaning down and grasping her hands to pull her to her feet. Reluctantly, she allows him to help her up. “Do you really care what he thinks?”

  “Do you honestly not? He’s your freaking brother, Austin. Even if we were together, in any capacity, I would never flaunt it in his face.” She huffs, frustrated that he doesn’t get why she’s so upset. “And I certainly wouldn’t want him to find out like that, by phone.”

  A knock at the bathroom door startles them and Jules jumps back.

  “Jules?” Jess calls through the thin door, not opening it.

  Giving Austin a firm look, she walks to the door and opens it allowing Jess to peek in.

  “Oh, hey Austin.” Her eyes grow as wide as saucers as she takes in the scene and draws conclusions. “Sorry, I heard fighting and I just wanted to be sure you were okay.”

  “Yeah, we’re fine. Sorry we woke you.”

  “No biggie. Sure you’re good?” she asks again, arching her brow.

  “Mmmhmmm,” she answers with an eye roll and closes the door on Jess.

  Stifling a yawn, Jules shuffles back to her bed and bumps into Austin as she climbs onto her small mattress. “How did you get in here anyway?”

  Sitting on the edge, he explains himself, “Jeff and I came over at the same time. Katie said you’d just closed your eyes and she let me in. I figured I’d sneak up behind you and wake you, but once I laid down beside you-” He shrugs, his cheeks turning pink. “I didn’t have the heart to bother you. You looked so peaceful. I should have left, but damn it was comfortable and you smell really good.”

  She tries not to laugh, but his compliment makes her giggle. His answer is so endearing and completely understandable. She taps the bed and scoots over meaningfully.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” she offers once he’s lying beside her. He lies on his back with his head turned towards her as she lays on her side facing him. She moves slightly, her head touching his shoulder, and wraps her arm around his and hugs it to her chest lightly.

  “Jules?”

  “Let’s get a little more sleep and then we can have that breakfast you wanted, kay?” she asks, trying to ignore the plea in his voice when he said her name.

  “I’m going to need you to make a decision. Soon. I can’t keep doing this.”

  She closes her eyes, feeling ten kinds of horrible for not being able to give him an answer.

  “I know. I’ll figure it out, I promise,” she offers and closes her eyes, praying she’ll be able to make good on that promise.
<
br />   Fourteen

  West

  Sometimes the best way to get over hurt is to lose yourself in something that hurts more. West isn’t sure where he ever heard that, but after the six a.m. call he’d made to Austin three days ago he’s been following that faulty logic. His brain is cluttered with every last piece of information he can absorb between Psych 101, a lit class, and a highly ambitious playbook for his game against the Bearcats on Saturday. His body feels abused to no end due to team practices, his solo weight training, and all of the long runs he’s been taking. If he’s not sleeping, he’s moving or studying. This is his brilliant idea for getting Jules’ sexy morning voice out of his head when he’d expected to catch his brother.

  It was stupid, beyond stupid, to call Austin at six in the morning on the day after a game. Especially a late night one where he knew Austin was coming back from the West Coast by bus. He couldn’t help it, though. After seeing Jules at the vigil and exchanging a few pleasant words, he was pumped up. Adrenaline pushed him to call her the moment his eyes flew open. He’d barely slept at all that night, thinking of all the things he wanted to say to her, but first he wanted to speak with his brother. He needed to know what was going on with them.

  Carson and Mindy swear it has to be friendship. Jeff pleads the fifth, as he always does when it comes to Jules. ‘Hoes before bros’ is apparently alive and kicking, much to his displeasure. Austin has avoided him since their fight two weeks ago, so he picked up the phone to call, knowing he would wake his brother up, and honestly not caring. When the voice answered, it took him by surprise. He didn’t place it as Jules until he heard her little yelp. He knew that yell immediately. It was the surprised shout that she made when he’d startle her. The moment he heard it, anger rushed through him. Pure, hot, murderous anger. He’d hung up the phone and admittedly punched the pillows on his bed more than a few times before he allowed himself a bout of angry tears. He’s cried four times in the past five years - his mother’s death and funeral, the night of the tornado in the hospital with Jules, and the night of the wreck in December when he thought she wouldn’t make it. And Sunday morning, the moment when any thought of getting her back went out the window with the idea that she’d slept with his brother.