Out of Ruins Read online

  “No, no…of course I’ll be there. I was going to ask you to go on an actual date with me, but I guess you beat me to it.”

  “You were?” she squeals unnaturally loud; a surge of girly giddiness racing through her.

  His low laugh tells her he heard. “I was.”

  “Well, um this isn’t a date…really,” she angles; hoping to get him to ask her out for another night. Even though they have already declared their relationship status with each other, she still wants an official first date.

  “It’s not? But you just asked me out, didn’t you?” he points out; making Jules gasp audibly.

  “No, no I did not!” she explains; grasping at straws. “I invited you to join some friends. It’s a group thing, not an official date.”

  His low, throaty laugh through the line makes her heart skip a beat. She can’t help it…the deep tone of his amused laugh is sexy as all get out.

  “So it’s not an official date? Huh. Okay, then…I guess I need to ask you a question.”

  Controlling herself, only barely, she replies, “Yes?”

  “Weren’t you Miss Texas Buttercup 2011?”

  “Wha…?” she stutters; biting her tongue as she falls onto the pile of pillows on her bed. She was, in fact, Miss Buttercup and can’t believe he remembers the title. “You’re a piece of work.”

  “But you’re totally into me,” he points out.

  “Nope, I kinda hate you right now, West Rutledge.”

  “Whatever, you know you can’t live without me.” His deep laugh dies abruptly with hers. He mutters a curse in the silence. “Shoot. Jules…”

  “You’re right. I wouldn’t be living without you,” she reminds him honestly.

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t making a joke. It’s just-” He stops. She envisions him running a hand through his messy hair as he fights to find the right words. “I just can’t help but be happy every time I’m with you or talking to you…I almost forget, you know?”

  “I know,” she responds simply, without embellishment for fear of crying if she has to tell him how much his words mean to her. There’s never any need for explanation between the two of them, because what they went through transcends the need for cheap excuses. It’s these moments with him that make her the most vulnerable to all of the emotion of the past few weeks.

  “Hey, Buffy?” he asks softly, and she barely gets out an “Hmmm?”

  “Will you go out with me Saturday night?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  “So it’s an official date, Saturday.”

  “I’m officially excited!” Jules looks at the clock with a sigh. “You know what? I need to jump in the shower and finish up this debate homework. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Tease,” he groans and Jules feels her face heat up. “I can’t wait to see your gorgeous face in the morning. Text me before you go to sleep?”

  “It’s one of my new favorite nighttime rituals.”

  “Mine too. Night, babe.”

  Again her lips ache to tell him she loves him but she holds back, knowing it’s certainly too soon to think of love. It has to be. “Night.”

  Four

  “Why didn’t you come back for me, Jules?!”

  Jules jerks awake with a gasp at the voice screaming in her head. Confused, she scans her surroundings and sighs with relief when her mind connects the dots and she realizes she’s only dreaming. Falling back to her pillow, she turns to her side and curls into a ball. The tears come quickly. Every nightmare…every single one of them feels so real.

  She’s lying in a meadow daydreaming, with the tall grass tickling her skin, when she hears Tanya call her name.

  “Jules! Jules, where are you?” The voice is muffled, yet when Jules sits up she’s standing right there, not ten feet away.

  “Why are you yelling? I’m right here.” Jules waves for Tanya to sit with her, but Tanya doesn’t move.

  She watches as her best friend spins around and covers her ears with her hands; her face wreathed in horror. She bends down low and screams, causing Jules to jump to her feet. She hurries towards Tanya, but no matter how fast she runs, she stays ten feet away.

  “Tanya!” Jules cries when her best friend screams again.

  “I don’t want to die! Where did you go, Ju-ju? Why’d you leave me here?” Tanya quiets and looks apprehensively over her shoulder. Her eyes go wide and her face is streaming with tears when she turns back to Jules. Suddenly, whatever is holding them apart dissipates and Tanya is standing in front of Jules, grabbing her wrist tightly.

  “Why didn’t you come back for me, Jules?” she screams, then she’s gone; pulled away by some imaginary force, and Jules jerks awake.

  “I’m so sorry.” Jules cries into her pillow and rubs the wrist Tanya grabbed in her nightmare. “I’m so sorry…”

  * * *

  “Guilt. A painful and lonely feeling. It seeps into your pores slowly as you go through life day by day. Like a disease, it blackens your heart with thoughts and memories of what you did, or in my case, what you didn’t do.”

  Jules sits forward as a thought occurs to her. “Here’s the deal — the ins and outs of school don’t really matter in my story. Sure, there’s a lot of stuff that went on at school, a lot of things that messed with my mind. But most of my problems began that night at the Shack. It’s taken me a long time to admit — that the fear and stress of being trapped, and the deaths of so many people I knew, especially Tanya — those were the things that tore at my sense of being.”

  Five

  Jules stops speaking. Lowering her head, she rolls her neck from side to side and tries to rid it of the misery she feels. She shakes her hands out; moving them from her waist, to the arms of the chair, and back to her lap. There’s an obvious frustration in each of her moves. She struggles with what to do, what to say.

  Picking up her cell, she quickly makes a call.

  “Why am I doing this again?” she asks when the other person picks up. “Making a video…what is the point?”

  “Closure. If you can relive your story, you can get past it, Jules. You can move forward.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, where are you? How far have you gotten?”

  “I’m up to the first week of school. The day before the first game. I told the whole tornado story. Isn’t that enough?” she bargains, already knowing the answer.

  “Jules, what happened the first week of school?”

  She replies with a deep sigh, “It was the first time I drank to forget.”

  “That’s right. Tell the story. Tell your story in whatever way you want, Jules, but tell it and be honest. You can do it. You’re strong now.”

  She takes in the pep talk and then hangs up with a thank you and a promise to call again if she needs more support. Sitting there in silence, she stares at the ceiling. She doesn’t explain anything to the camera or those watching, she just looks forward and remembers the first drink; the first time she decided to bury her pain.

  * * *

  It’s the first Friday of school and the first football game since the night of the twister, and although neither Jules nor Katie have any real desire to go, they go. They go for Jeff. They go for Tommy and the other guys from Hillsdale that now play for Rossview. Pulling into the school parking lot, Jules' hands are already visibly shaking. Even though the mood is somewhat more somber than games of the past, seeing students and parents tailgating sets off a horrible bout of anxiety as the memories of the last game she was at crowd through her mind.

  “Liquid courage?” Katie offers; handing Jules her large sports bottle with a wicked grin.

  “Just one sip,” she agrees; taking the bottle and lifting it to her lips. It’s something sweet and fruity with a kick, and Jules coughs and gags as Katie giggles.

  “It’s Kool-Aid and vodka.”

  “You mean Punch of Death,” Jules wheezes and hands it back.

  “Sometimes you’ve got
ta work with what you have.” Katie takes another long drink before securing the top and stuffing it into her oversized purse as they climb out of the car. “Let’s go experience a Friday night game as spectators.”

  Leaning against the car door, Jules hesitates and takes in the music pumping from the sound system at the stadium. The heavy beat, mixed in with the laughing and shouting around them makes her feel sick to her stomach. This was a bad idea, she thinks to herself.

  “Where’s West meeting you?” Katie asks; walking around the car and grabbing her arm. She wonders how Katie is handling this so well, especially when all Jules wants to do is run and hide on the floorboard of the car. She hates being here. She doesn’t want to watch football or hear the fans.

  “Uh, he’s going to text me.”

  The girls wind their way through the crowded lot, sliding to the left as a guy trying to catch a wayward pass almost knocks into them. Ahead, a large group of students are hanging out and Jules immediately recognizes a few of the girls as part of the ‘sneer crowd’ that’s been giving her looks all week. She tries pulling Katie to the right to avoid them altogether, but is too late as they find their path blocked by a tall, handsome blond on the outskirts of the crowd.

  “Jules and Katie, right?” he asks politely; his eyes surveying their bodies.

  “You got it.” Katie smiles and drags her southern accent out slowly. The blond smiles and hits the arm of a stocky, shorter guy next to him. The new guy turns and Tall Guy nods his head towards the girls.

  “Y’all here alone, then?” Tall Guy questions; raising his brows thoughtfully.

  Katie looks from side to side as if she’s looking for someone before cracking a smile. “It seems we are,” she teases playfully, and Jules wonders how much Punch of Death she’s already had tonight.

  “Aww, can’t have that.” Short Guy steps forward with a big grin on his face. “We can’t have the new girls feeling unwelcome now can we, Kev? Why don’t you two party with us? Whaddya say?”

  Shaking her head, Jules tugs on Katie’s arm. “That’s a nice offer, but we’re meeting friends inside.”

  “Oh, come on — stay with us and then we can be friends,” Tall guy, Kev, says with a wink. They’ve amassed a crowd, as several students around the guys have turned and are listening to their conversation. The guys, none of whom Jules recognize from any of her classes, all eye her and Katie as they linger.

  “Hey, jackass!” one of the girls calls out; cutting through the wall of guys. Jules recognizes her from History class. She’s the tall blonde who said hello to West on the first day; Lauren, she recalls.

  “Are you seriously hitting on them?” she asks, her voice overly loud. The game hasn’t even started yet and these kids seem wasted, Jules thinks as Lauren saunters over.

  She pushes past Kev and his stocky wingman and walks right up to Jules; her blue eyes taking her in from head to toe. While Lauren and most of the other girls she’s seen are wearing tanks or tees in the school colors, Jules and Katie are both wearing flirty slip dresses with ankle boots. Lauren’s face scrunches up as if she smells something bad, but she doesn’t say anything to her. They stand there in a silent standoff before her gaze finally slides to the boys.

  “You idiots know this one here is our new DB’s girlfriend, don’t you?” she asks. Her eyes flick to Katie, who decided to pull out her sports bottle again and is now chugging it.

  “And this one? She seems to be the property of West. I’d stay away if I were you,” she adds, giving Jules one last look before spinning on her heel and returning to her friends.

  The shorter guy takes one step back and looks at Katie and Jules with new eyes, but Kev just laughs.

  “What if I don’t?”

  “Then you’ll get your ass kicked.”

  West’s flat voice startles her from behind and she turns in surprise.

  Katie laughs and looks over at Kev and the stocky boy with glee. “You guys still want to be our friends?”

  A hush comes over the circle. Lauren shakes her head and whispers to the girl on her right, who smiles at the comment. The wingman retreats back into the crowd with his tail between his legs, but Kev stands there, his face set. Clearly this guy thinks he’s the man.

  “It’s still you against the world, eh, Rutledge?”

  “Only if you mess with what’s mine,” he drawls. His warm palm makes contact with Jules’ bare shoulder blade and she shivers at his touch and the possessive comment.

  “C’mon already. I’m done with all the drama!” Katie waves her hand around, reaches for Jules' hand and tugs her forward. They cut through the crowd as everyone steps back to make a path for them. A few girls stand their ground, sticking a shoulder or elbow out to make sure Katie and Jules have to bump their way through, but they don’t speak. Jules looks back to see West and Kev in a silent stand-off and she stops directly in front of Lauren, worried the group of Rossview guys might jump him.

  “You haven’t seen him fight, have you?” Lauren asks with a smirk on her pretty pink lips. “Trust me sweetie, he can hold his own.”

  She stamps down the irrational jealousy that flares to life at the intimate tone Lauren uses. It’s like hearing someone speak of an idol; the awe in her voice bothers her, but she ignores it. After all, Lauren is the one who pointed out to the group that Jules and West are an item. West turns his back on Kev and Jules keeps a close eye on him as he walks her way without a second glance back. Katie lets go of Jules and walks ahead to stop and talk with some friends. When West reaches her side, his hand slides protectively — or perhaps possessively would be more accurate — to the back of her neck. He massages it lightly as he urges her forward, but Lauren grabs his wrist as they try to pass.

  “Bonfire tonight?” she asks and Jules purses her lips and stares straight ahead at the stadium, afraid of what she might do if she makes eye contact with the girl.

  West’s thumb rubs up her neck and it soothes her, somewhat. “The usual?” he asks mildly.

  Lauren doesn’t reply verbally, so Jules has no idea what her answer is, but the nearest girl in her vision snickers as she lifts a red Solo cup to her lips.

  “West, come on,” she finally begs; making her voice flirty and upbeat so no one can see the proverbial smoke coming out of her ears.

  “Bring your new friends,” Lauren adds, and Jules can’t tell whether the comment is sarcastic or serious.

  They clear the group of students and Jules walks forward; releasing herself from West’s grip as she charges forward and rounds a large F-150 truck that blocks the group from seeing her. She closes her eyes, breathes deeply and tries to rein in her emotions. West follows her; walking around the truck slowly, nonchalantly, obviously putting on a show for the crowd.

  “I thought you were going to text me?” she accuses the moment he’s out of their eye-line. Grabbing his arm, Jules pulls him into a tight hug. She gasps for air; the congestion of the crowd bringing on a sudden feeling of panic.

  “Sorry…I was about to, and then I saw you and those idiots.” He runs his hand over her back comfortingly. “Breathe, Buffy. What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want to be here, I want to leave,” she whispers; clutching his shirt.

  “Did something else happen? Did those idiots say something to you?”

  “Lord, no. They were harmless. I just…” She closes her eyes and presses her head into his chest. “I don’t know if I can do this…be here. Everywhere I look, it’s like I see her. And this crowd, it reminds me of everyone at the Shack right before-”

  “Hey lovebirds!” Katie blurts out from behind them. “I want to catch Jeff before the game starts. You coming?”

  West starts to decline, “I don’t think so-” and Jules stops him.

  “Yeah, hang on we’re coming.” She nods and weaves her fingers with West’s as she pulls him after a skipping Katie. “Let’s go.”

  “Buff?”

  She sends him a warning look and shakes her head. “I can’t leave
her here alone. She’s been drinking. I’m fine.” She lifts their intertwined hands and looks up at him. “I have you. I’ll be okay.”

  If her quick change of mood bothers him, he doesn’t remark on it. They stop at the fence and Katie makes a spectacle of herself until someone gets Jeff’s attention and she’s able to give him a good luck kiss. With a happy Katie in tow, they find seats midway up the bleachers, away from the packed student section, and settle in.

  “Are you thirsty? Can I get you a drink or something?” West offers.

  Jules wishes she had something, but she doesn’t want him to leave so she shakes her head. “Just stay with me?”

  “That was my plan all along,” he agrees; sliding closer to her so their bodies touch all the way from their shoulders to their shoes as they sit together.

  There are a few moments when it gets to be too much and Jules leans her head into West’s chest and closes her eyes. Being at the game on the other side of the field is like an out of body experience for her. She misses standing along the sidelines leading chants and watching the action. She misses the camaraderie of her squad, the jokes and girl talk they used to share. As they sit there, neither one of them cheering very much, she wonders if West feels the same way about not playing the game. Can he still feel the ball in his hand? Does he miss the butt slaps and hearing his name being yelled? When the game is over with Rossview barely winning, Jules and West deposit Katie into Jeff’s capable arms. She drank just enough to make her manageable, but too much to go out to any after parties.

  “You going to the bonfire?” Jeff asks as they walk to Katie’s car.

  West glances over at Jules and shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Don’t say no on my account!” Jules insists. “Let’s go. I’d like to see what I’ve been missing out on all this time.”

  “We don’t have to, let’s just go hang out,” he whispers into her ear and presses a warm kiss there.

  “Show me this bonfire and then we’ll hang.”