All That Remains Read online

  They park in the corner of the lot and West turns off the engine and sits there staring out the front windshield at the smooth water in front of them.

  “Austin and I were never a couple.”

  “I know.”

  Surprised, she turns and unbuckles her seatbelt, to face him. “You know?”

  “He stopped by to see me after my game last Saturday and told me. I’m sorry I didn’t give you the chance to explain-” He stops and runs his hand through his hair. “Not that you owe me an explanation, but I should have let you tell me what was going on.”

  He snaps his seatbelt and pops open his door, “Come on.”

  They jump out of the truck and walk side by side to the playground. When they reach the swing set, they both take a seat and Jules kicks off with her toe letting the slight breeze cool her as she swings. West remains still, his eyes following her as she moves back and forth.

  “How do you like Freemont?” she asks as she pumps her legs and moves through the air.

  He laughs out loud and she giggles at herself. “Too simple?”

  “I think we’re past small talk, Jules,” he points out. “But, to answer your question, it’s okay. I’d rather be at A&M. It was always my plan to be there.”

  She assumes he didn’t make it into A&M based on grades and missing the last half of senior year, and she feels guilt rising up. “Sorry.”

  “For what? It’s not your fault. I could have gotten in.”

  “I just assumed with your leaving school-”

  “Jules, I finished school at Crestdale. Believe it or not, I was a good student.”

  Her eyes flick to him before she pumps her legs harder, propelling her swing higher. “I always knew you weren’t the bad boy you pretended to be.”

  “You always knew me better than I even knew myself.”

  “So why Freemont?”

  “Football. My counselor at Crestdale decided I needed to play again and they let me walk on.” He shrugs.

  “Surely with your dad’s pull and your name you could have gotten a walk-on at A&M.”

  “Sure, as a bench warmer. Roberts is a beast and a fifth year senior,” he says about A&M’s starting QB. Jules nods in agreement at his assessment, having seen him play. “I wasn’t ready to walk-on and play when we approached them in June. We were a little late, anyway. So Dr. Steel pulled some strings with friends and got me an interview with Coach. Freemont was happy to offer me a spot.”

  “And you’re getting to play?”

  He laughs, “Yeah, Jules. I get to play.”

  “You missed it, didn’t you? Playing football.”

  “There’s only one thing I’ve ever missed more,” he replies. The warmth and intensity of his eyes as they lock onto hers and make his point for him.

  Jules takes a shaky breath and drags her foot along the ground to stop her swing. She takes a small hop off as it slows down and she lands perfectly in the sand, the swing hitting her backside as it continues to move back and forth. Looking around, she decides to sit on a nearby bench so they can talk more seriously. West follows as she moves a few feet over and takes a seat. He stands in front of her and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his loose cargo shorts.

  “You’re ready to talk, huh?” he asks and she nods.

  “I feel like I have so many explanations to give you. Not only from that night, but before that too. I don’t know where to begin,” he admits.

  “I think we both have a lot of explanations to make. Let’s start with what happened that night after the wreck. I woke up a few days afterwards and you were already gone.”

  “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how that felt for you.” West falls to the bench and takes her hand. He clears his throat and explains, “I swear, Jules, I never would have left if I thought there was another choice. I was there for days. I didn’t just leave. If you believe I would just walk away then there is no reason to explain what happened.”

  “I have to be honest,” she pulls her hand from his and tucks it under her crossed arms. “Honestly? I don’t know what I believe anymore and I don’t understand what happened to make you think you had to leave.”

  “Austin said he explained the situation to you back then.” She frowns, not quite sure what he’s referring to. West runs his hands through his hair in agitation. “Okay, you know the people in the car we hit? That other couple? They were pressing charges and threatening to sue. They were going after my dad, your parents, Rick and Aubrey; they weren’t even injured, but they claimed mental distress and -” He shakes his head, clearly disgusted and cuts himself off. “Anyway, Rick fessed up pretty quickly once Aubrey was able to tell the cops about the incident. Lucky for us, she called 9-1-1 and was on the phone with them when it happened, so they had proof from the call records.”

  West sits forward, leaning his elbows on his knees and folding his hands; Jules moves forward with him, mimicking his pose.

  “Problem was, I’d been drinking. I wasn’t drunk by any means, you know that, right? I never would have driven if that had been the case. I had two drinks.”

  “Of course. I know you wouldn’t have gotten behind that wheel with me if you were.” Jules acknowledges honestly with a nod of her head. West was never careless with her, it was one of the reasons she fell in love with him.

  “I wasn’t drunk, but there was alcohol, and of course I was underage. My dad probably could have smoothed things over, but something happened.”

  She holds her breath and waits for him to explain.

  “Your parents rushed into the hospital that night and the fear in their faces -” West stops abruptly and Jules wants to touch his shoulder; she wants to console him as he hunches farther forward.

  “I remember when my parents sat my brothers and I down to tell us about Mom’s cancer, how it was terminal. The pain, the hopelessness hidden in the creases along their mouths and eyes; even while they tried to remain optimistic.” Jules eyes sting with tears as West’s voice cracks.

  “That’s what your parents looked like when they came in that night. They spotted me standing there in the ER covered in your blood and I swear your mom almost fainted on the spot. She ran to me, scanning over my face and arms, asking if I was hurt. She was crying and she hugged me so tightly, like my own mom would if she’d been there. Your dad, on the other hand, gave me one grim look and went straight to the desk for answers. They were still running tests and doing whatever it is they did with you… there was nothing to do but wait at the moment.

  “I hadn’t been seen yet; I only had a few scrapes and cuts, but they wanted to take me back to run a few x-rays. They were worried about internal injuries, I guess. When I returned, your parents were sitting in the corner and I approached them, trying to explain what had happened. Your dad asked me to wait until they’d seen you. I tried a few times to talk to them after that, but your mom seemed to be in shock and your dad was, uh.”

  He sits back, turning to Jules with a wry smile. “Let’s say he was scary calm and scary angry and leave it at that. My dad finally pulled me away from the area and down to the cafeteria. By that time, Mindy and Carson had arrived and we left them in the waiting room to wait for news.”

  “They didn’t tell me any of this. I can’t believe they would shun you like that, they really liked you.” Jules says, feeling physically ill with her parent’s actions. She leans forward, shaking her head, as West continues.

  “Well yeah, that was before you ran out on them, went to a party, and drove with your drunk boyfriend,” he points out sarcastically.

  “Once they knew you were going to be okay, though, that’s when things got uglier. Your mom took pity on me after you were finally put in a room and she allowed me to see you the following day, but when your dad walked in he went ballistic. He blamed me for your behavior, said you’d been drinking and partying ever since we’d met. How you’d never snuck out before, how your grades were slipping, you were short tempered and too clingy… I forget what else he said, but
he laid all the blame at my feet.”

  The tears in her eyes quickly dry up as anger begins to build up. Jules leans into West’s side lightly, trying to give him what little comfort she can, though it feels like too little too late.

  “He ordered me out of your life.”

  “I can’t -”

  “I let him believe I was to blame, Jules.”

  “What! Why?”

  “I guess I let myself believe it for a while, too. I shouldn’t have been at that party that night. I should have stayed home when you told me you couldn’t go out or I should have met you back at my place when you did call me.”

  “I begged you to go to that party. It’s not your fault.”

  “Jules, I could have said no to you.” He bumps her shoulder with a small laugh. “It was possible, upon occasion, to say no to you.”

  “So what happened to make you leave and go to the facility?”

  “It doesn’t matter, does it? In the end it was the right decision for me,” he waffles, pushing off the bench and taking a few steps forward.

  Jules examines his back and replays all he’s said while sitting here. She recalls the warning of how she doesn’t know the full story and the aversion her father had to talking about West, or the wreck, with her. Knowing her parents most likely played a role in him leaving hurts. She steps up behind him and leans into his back, her head resting right under his shoulder blades, and she feels him stiffen at the contact.

  “I missed this,” she murmurs as she feels his muscles rise and fall as he takes a deep breath. “I missed the way you always felt so strong when I needed you to be strong.”

  “You make me stronger,” he whispers low. He turns slowly and she falls away from leaning against him until they are facing each other. His hand brushes her cheek and her arms wrap around his waist automatically, as if she’d been doing it daily for the last ten months. “Here’s the thing, Buff, I don’t want to hurt your relationship with your parents, I swear I don’t. But, I’m going to put us first here. I can live with them hating me, but I can’t live without you.”

  She melts against him and looks up into his face as he continues to explain the past.

  “When the cops told our parents about the alcohol and the other couple wanting to sue us all for liability, I flipped. I didn’t want you to get in any more trouble than you already were, so I asked my dad to work out whatever deal he could to get you, and your family, off the hook. He was pulling strings with a judge and talking with the couple, asking them to back off. Things seemed as if they might actually work out and then…”

  West blows out a breath and gives Jules a sad look. “Then your dad paid mine a visit. At this point, your parents weren’t seeing or speaking to me. They’d actually asked me not to come to the hospital at all.”

  Disbelief at their behavior floors Jules. “Why did my dad go to see yours?”

  “He raised serious doubt with the judgment my dad made at getting all the charges dropped against us, or me more specifically. He didn’t want me to go to juvie, but he told my father he should consider getting me help. I guess he convinced my dad I was unstable. I was a mess, filled with guilt and worry for you, and add that to what your parents thought was PTSD from the tornado, and then reminding him of my lingering depression from mom’s death… They built a strong case about my mental health. He suggested dad get me help, and whatever he said worked. The judge friend of my dad made it a court order. Six months in rehab for mental health.”

  “So you left.”

  “The truth is, I wanted to leave.” She frowns at his words. “I couldn’t face you at that point. The moment I almost lost you is a moment I will never forget. Remember when you told me about how seeing me with Aubrey that day at lunch had taught you how easily I could break you?” She nods, recalling the moment easily.

  “After my mother’s death, I was able to walk away from everything in my life, Jules. I didn’t form attachments; I didn’t care about people or things anymore. The night of the wreck hit me like a ton of bricks. It brought back my mom’s death all over again.

  “You asked me at Carson and Mindy’s engagement party why I quit football, remember?”

  “Yeah. You said you had practice that day and it pissed you off, so you quit.”

  “Ha, well that’s partially true. The truth is, the day she died I’d promised her I would be there for her. She was getting weaker and weaker and we knew the time was getting closer. I wanted to be by her side when she went. I’d taken to sleeping on a pallet on the floor so I wouldn’t lose her.”

  “God, West,” she whispers as tears roll from her eyes and she tightens her arms around his back.

  “I promised, and then I went to football practice. Football! She ended up dying without me there and I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t fail someone like that again, so I decided to close everyone off.”

  His hand swipes a tear from her chin. “Everyone, until you came along in that damn little cheerleading outfit and the tornado hit.”

  “I couldn’t walk away from you then, and I can’t walk away now. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, to forget you and move on, but I can’t. I want to… but I can’t.”

  West pulls her into his chest, resting his cheek on her head as they hug each other tightly. He strokes her back as she grips his shirt in her fists and swallows back the flow of tears and emotion trying to push its way out of her chest.

  “Why do you want to forget?” she’s able to ask after a few moments.

  “I don’t want to see you lying on that pavement covered in blood anymore.”

  “Then don’t think of me that way. Think of me in your arms watching movies on your mom’s chaise in the game room, or the way we danced in the corn field on my birthday,” she suggests, pulling back and looking up into his face. “Or think of me and all the new memories we can make now.”

  “You want to make some more memories?”

  “I think we owe it to ourselves to try,” she offers with a small shrug. “Do you want the same thing?”

  He pauses, and she takes in the way his brown eyes melt when he looks down at her and his signature sly grin overtakes his face.

  “A wise girl once told me if you want something in life you need a reason for wanting it, or else you will give up when it gets too hard. She said a person with motive and reason will work harder than someone who wants something on a whim.”

  She laughs lightly, “Wow, that’s pretty smart. She must have heard it on Law and Order.”

  West groans, bringing her to his chest and pressing his lips to the top of her head.

  “I love you, Jules. That’s my reason. The moment I left Crestdale I wanted to come after you, but I let my insecurities eat at me. I promise you, I’m not walking away again, because I have a reason and a purpose for being here. I want to love you forever. I want to hold you again, and I never want to let you go.”

  “That sounds like a damn good reason, Rutledge. Now kiss me,” Jules orders, leaning up on her toes and offering him her mouth.

  Twenty- Four

  West

  When West cannot keep his hands from wanting to roam all over Jules’ body it’s time to stop kissing her. Pulling away from her willing mouth, he sighs and looks around them. Several cars have pulled into the parking lot and there are a few people on the tennis courts now. He noticed none of this as they stood there wrapped in each other’s arms, and lips.

  “We should take a step back,” he suggests reluctantly, sliding his hands down her arms slowly until he reaches her hands. West weaves their fingers together giving them a squeeze as he looks down at Jules.

  “Okay.” Jules voice is feathery light as she looks up into his face with a winsome smile and he can’t help but bend down to press another peck to her mouth.

  “God, you’re so beautiful.”

  Jules giggles under his lips and West steps back again.

  “Dinner,” he blurts out and she shakes her head. “We should get some, you hu
ngry?”

  “I could eat.”

  “Mindy likes to mother me and feed me well. Want to come back to the house with me?” Jules’ face scrunches up and he slows down. “If you’re not comfortable going there, we don’t have to. I can take you out.”

  “No, no. I just. When I saw her last week -” she rambles off.

  “Jules, they don’t hold anything against you. I swear. They know nothing happened with you and Austin, and even if they didn’t, they wouldn’t judge you.”

  “I just feel as if I betrayed you or something.”

  “Betrayed me? What are you talking about?” She shrugs nonchalantly and West tugs on her hands. “Baby, come on.”

  He steers her to his truck and waits for her to climb in before he closes her door and moves around to get in himself. Starting the engine and cranking the air on high, he turns to her and reaches for her hand.

  “Let’s get past this now, okay?” She nods. “How can you possibly feel as if you betrayed me?”

  “We’re talking about your brother, West.”

  “Yeah. Whom you did nothing with.”

  “But I could have, we could have.”

  He blows out a deep breath and runs his free hand through his hair. The truth hurts, but he can’t blame her for it and he tries to come up with a way to make her feel better.

  “First, I left you. Cold turkey, babe. If anyone should feel bad, it’s me. Austin is… Austin. He’s a good guy and he tried to take care of you. I can’t get mad at you for that.“

  “Can we try to agree to forgive each other for what happened?” she asks, her eyes sending him a soft plea.

  “I want to be with you. I will do whatever it takes for us to get past this. What do you need from me?”