All That Remains Read online

  “You son of a -” Snap! His fist connects with Austin’s jaw in a sucker punch and Jules screams.

  Austin loses his footing and falls back into her before standing upright again, while West mutters curses under his breath as he shakes out his fist. She hopes it hurts like hell!

  “Are you mad?” she shouts, trying to examine Austin’s split lip as he spits blood to the ground.

  “He didn’t tell me he’d seen you. I‘ve been wondering where you were, how you’re doing, and he doesn’t bother to tell me he’s spending time with you.”

  “So you punch him?” she scoffs. “A simple ‘hi’ would have sufficed, you know!”

  “You’re kidding, right? I just came across you with my brother. My brother!” Jules jumps as West presses forward. “Did you think we’d be one big, happy family?”

  “West!” Austin warns, pushing him in the chest to move him back.

  “No. Don’t.” Jules steps forward, her blue eyes meeting West’s straight on for the first time in over nine months. She’s so close she can smell the cologne he wears. She can see the small indention above his eyebrow where he has a scar. So close to the boy, no, man - she corrects herself – that she lived and breathed once. Yet, at this moment, she only wants to hurt him the way he hurt her. At this moment, she wants to see him crushed. She doesn’t allow herself even a moment to think about how unfair she’s about to be to Austin.

  “Believe it or not, West Rutledge, not everything in my life revolves around you! If you’d wanted to know about me you could have called. I have the same number.”

  “I know -”

  “Austin and I don’t talk about you. As a matter a fact, I specifically asked him not to.” He flinches. “You have no claim on me. You don’t get to know where I am or whom I’m with. And you sure as hell don’t have the right to punch your brother for dating me.”

  She steps to the side and holds her hand out to Austin. A triumphant smile crosses her mouth when he takes it. Rolling her shoulders back, she pulls him towards the party.

  “Jules?”

  “Shut up!” she spits furiously. “You lost the right to ask about me the day you sent your brother to tell me that you were leaving me. Had you had the guts, the nerve, to see me first, maybe things would be different. But you didn’t. That’s where you and I ended. So leave me the hell alone. Just go away.”

  The last three words are muttered over her shoulder and she averts her eyes to keep from having to see his anger, or even worse, his pain.

  Eight

  Jules

  As they walk away, Jules feels Austin’s slight hesitation and she tugs him harder. They walk past a few bystanders without a word, Austin squeezing her fingers in silent support. The crowd immediately swallows her up when they walk in the side door of the house. A dance mix is beating through the sound system, the deep vibrations rattling her chest, as she forces her way to the kitchen in search of the inevitable keg or makeshift bar setup. She tries to maintain a straight face as she looks ahead and gives small nods to those who wave and say hi to her.

  In the three weeks since she’d bumped into Austin at her first party, she’s come to recognize the group that typically hangs with the players. The best friends, girlfriends, girls that are willing to bed whoever is interested, she sees them all even as her eyes blur with angry tears. Blinking them back, she turns to Austin when they finally elbow their way to the bar.

  “Something strong, Toby,” she shouts over the ruckus to one of the guys who helps serve drinks at their parties.

  “Uh oh, what did Rutledge do?” He smiles as he pulls the vodka out.

  “HA!” she chokes and drops Austin’s hand. “Which one?” she mutters and Toby gives her a look.

  Austin’s hand cups her shoulder, “Jules?”

  She shrugs it off and picks up the ‘vodka and something’ Toby mixed for her. Taking a quick sip, she steps away and gives Austin’s lip a glance.

  “Hey Toby, give Austin some ice would ya?” she suggests as she walks away.

  Austin calls out behind her, and she wants to ignore him, but she can’t. She shouldn’t. She turns with a sigh, facing him. He doesn’t speak; he only raises his brows in a silent question. It’s a look she’s come to know; it’s the same look West used to give her when he was asking her if she was all right. Suddenly, the need to run is overwhelming, and she nods, holding up her hand to let him know she needs a moment. He understands because somehow he always does.

  A party full of jocks and their hanger-ons isn’t the best place to find peace and Jules struggles through the crowd, looking for a place to be alone. The bathrooms have lines, she finds the bedrooms taken, and there are crowds of people filling both the front and back yard. She finally spots a small shed in the back corner of the yard and finds herself desperate enough to sneak into its dark recesses to hide away. Looking around behind her to be sure she’s not being followed, she disappears to the back side of the shed, tucked between a privacy fence and some trees. She leans against the wooden siding and takes deep breaths as she comes to terms with what just happened.

  Try as she might, she can’t curtail the tears forming again in her eyes. The sound of West’s voice had stopped her heart cold. She recalls the sadness she heard in his voice, mixed in with his anger, when he said he’d been wondering where she was. She’d wanted to tell him to join the club. She’d wanted to remind him that she’d sat waiting for him for months, wondering where he was, what he was thinking. Worst, though, was the urge to jump into his arms, to kiss his lips. So she lashed out instead. It was childish, and somewhat prideful, to want to make him think she was okay after his desertion, but she couldn’t help how she felt.

  A tear escapes, against her permission, and she takes a shaky breath as more follow suit. Each tear is a piece of the facade she’s built up over the months; the wall breaking away after one meeting, one moment. Dropping her cup, she covers her face and allows herself to feel the pain she’s never stopped living with.

  * * *

  “West!”

  Hearing Austin call West’s name, not far from where she stands, pulls her head up. She chokes down the urge to shout and takes deep breaths to control her emotions.

  “Where is she? I saw her out here from inside.” West’s voice is strained, angry, and so very close to where she stands.

  “Dude, let her go.”

  A burst of bitter laughter sounds. “Why? So you can have a shot at her?”

  “West-” Austin’s voice matches his brother’s angry tone. “I’m not putting her between us.”

  “No? You already did.”

  “No! You did when you sent me into her hospital room nine months ago to deliver that letter.”

  A slew of heated words fly from West’s lips and a desire to peek around the corner to catch a glimpse of him hits her in the gut, but she refrains.

  She’d allowed herself one cursory glance when they’d been back by Austin’s car and, even then, in that quick look, what she saw made her pulse race.

  His shoulders and arms are more defined, broader than before. His dark hair is shorter, still a tousled mess, but not as long and wild. Her eyes traveled up his torso and had barely touched on his jaw, with the shadow of dark stubble strewn across it, when she made herself look away. She couldn’t look at his beloved face.

  “This isn’t over,” West warns and Jules bites her lip at the curt sound of his voice.

  “I certainly didn’t think it was.”

  “Find her and make sure she’s okay, Austin. You and I can deal with us when you get home tonight.” He emphasizes 'tonight' and Austin chuckles.

  “What if I have other plans?”

  “Don’t push the bonds of brotherhood.”

  Austin doesn’t reply and Jules closes her eyes, waiting for them to say more and wanting them to leave so she can come out of her hiding spot. Austin clears his throat and Jules looks up to find him standing at the edge of the shed. It’s too dark to read his face and she
swipes at her cheeks before he gets a closer look at the tear-stained mess she’s sure she’s become.

  “You like hiding out with the creepy crawlers?”

  A shiver runs up her spine as she imagines what’s possibly chilling out around her right now. “I’m sorry. I needed a moment.”

  He takes three steps forward and leans his shoulder against the shed, facing her in the dark. “Not the way you expected your first run-in to go, I imagine?” he asks. He’s trying to be playful, but she can hear the stress underneath the banter.

  He lifts his hand and traces a finger along the seam of her shirt at the shoulder as he remarks softly, “You let him believe we might be more than friends.”

  After that first night she’d spent with Austin, she truly didn’t think they’d run into each other again. She figured they’d maybe pass each other on campus or run into each other at a party, but that would be it. It would be polite smiles and nods wherever they went. However, when he sought her out three days later and took her to lunch, he changed things. She’d known, even back then, it was a bad idea to form a friendship with him. Everything he does reminds her of West. And the few things that are strictly Austin have begun to mend her battered heart and make her hope for love again. It’s stupid. She can’t possibly date him. It’s not smart and it could hurt too many people. Yet, she keeps spending time with him. She keeps letting him take her out, call her, and hold her hand - as a boyfriend would. She’s finally starting to get comfortable with that feeling… and now this. All he had to do was show up once and everything she thought she was starting to fit together falls apart again.

  She takes the coward's way out, shrugging instead of answering his question and then asks one of her own. “You knew what conclusions he would make by what he saw. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  The dark silhouette of his shoulders shrug, “I knew it would stop him.”

  “Stop him?”

  “Yeah, we’re brothers, Jules. No matter how pissed he is at me if he thinks there’s something between us he’ll step back. Obviously not without a well-placed punch first.” His hand rubs his jaw and she feels guilty.

  “I’m sorry,” she offers, touching his jaw softly. The tender move causes Austin to straighten up and lean in towards her.

  She stands there; her face tips up towards him as he closes the space between them and she wonders if she can do it. Kiss Austin, forget West? The prospect of doing just that causes her to suck in a gulp of air and jump back. Her hand flies to her mouth, covering it as tears spring to her eyes, again.

  Instead of a kiss, his forehead touches her and he sighs. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

  “This?”

  “You and I,” he replies and pulls back so he can look into her watery eyes. “Whatever this is.”

  “I don’t, I -” Jules fumbles with her words.

  He shakes his head once and she sees a smile cross his lips in the dark space they’re standing in. “Don’t. We don’t have to figure this out tonight.” He steps back and his hand skims down her bare arm to take her hand.

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen, Austin. We’re friends, right?”

  His fingers tighten around her and he lets out a loud breath. “Is that all we are? Friends?”

  She can’t think. Her emotions play tricks on her, her heart and head at war with that question. She never meant for Austin to work his way into her heart. She wasn’t looking for anything and she didn’t think he was either. It was just so comfortable from day one. A friendship not based on who she was before and yet, if she’s truthful with herself, who she’d been has everything to do with their relationship. How can there be a relationship when she was once West's?

  “Did you want there to be something between us?” she finally asks.

  “You’re joking, right?”

  She shakes her head, “Then why didn’t you say something?”

  “I’ve been taking it slow, Jules.” He turns away from her, leaning against the shed and looking up at the branches above them. She’s tempted to stop him before he says too much, but instead remains silent as he continues. “I can’t lie to you… I’m interested. I didn’t plan on it, but you’re an amazing girl and we… we just work.”

  A small cry escapes from her lips and she fights to hold back another rush of tears. This was not in the plans, she thinks as Austin curses low under his breath.

  “I’m not pushing you, Jules. I’ll give you all the time you need. I know this sucks. I know it’s not ideal, but I can’t help how I feel.” When she lets out another soft cry, he pulls her into his arms and tucks her head under his chin. “Hell, what do I know? Maybe this is just a crush. A rebound for us both.”

  She nods her silent agreement at his suggestion. Standing there with Austin, she feels affection for him, but it doesn’t feel anywhere near as powerful as what she felt for West.

  “I hate him,” she admits in a frustrated whisper and Austin flinches.

  “No, you don’t. West was a fool for walking away the way he did last year, but he had his reasons. You need to give him a chance to explain them before you decide anything.”

  She shakes her head vehemently, bumping his chin as she pulls back at Austin’s laughter.

  “I can’t… we’re over… there’s nothing between us.” Her phrases are broken, rambling declarations. Unfortunately, they ring falsely no matter how true she wants them to be.

  “Jules, you showed more life in that one-minute tirade you let loose on my brother than you have in the three weeks we’ve been hanging out. Maybe you’re over, but you two aren't done.”

  “It’s the same thing. Stop playing word games.”

  He drops his arms and moves away from her, his face almost completely in the shadows of the overhead branches now. “I’m not playing. If I made you feel that way, that passionate, we would have happened by now. Hell, I was ignoring the facts, but they’re kinda hitting me in the face right now. Literally.”

  “That passion you think you saw was my hate for him, nothing else,” she replies and flinches at her own lie.

  “Hey, sweetie?” Austin interrupts. He turns his head her way and she can see the white of his teeth in the dark as he smiles. “You don’t have to lie to me, you know that right? We’re past that part.”

  She hears his words, but lowers her face. Staring at the ground, she pictures herself as she was those first few months after West left - a broken body and a broken heart. She’d worked so hard to come back from those things and in walks West as if nothing happened, and she breaks again. Furious with herself for letting her wall crumble so easily, she lifts her shoulders and shakes her head as she stands tall. “We’re friends, right?” He stands there silently. “I mean regardless of what happens or doesn’t happen with us or West. You and I will be friends. I don’t want to lose that, Austin.”

  “Of course.”

  “Then let’s go back to the party.”

  “Jules?”

  “And, let’s not talk about him.”

  Three weeks ago she’d asked the same thing of him. It isn’t fair right now, but she needs it. She needs Austin as her friend, or maybe as something more. She doesn’t know yet and, until they know for sure, she’s selfish enough to cling to him. Clinging to him keeps her sane as she prepares for the days ahead when she will have to face West and try to make peace with everything that transpired last December.

  Austin takes her hand and pulls her out of the dark, but not without hesitance as he repeats the same word he said to her three weeks ago.

  “Deal.”

  Nine

  West

  West slams the front door to the house he shares with his brothers. A million words, none of which are remotely flattering to Austin, cross his lips as he throws himself on the couch to wait for his brother to come home. He’d lingered at the party waiting to see Jules and make sure Austin was with her, but the sight of them coming out from the back corner of the yard, hand in hand, left a bitter taste i
n his mouth. Three weeks! They started seeing each other after he came home. In secret.

  “Son of a bi-,” West growls into the dark room, punching the pillow on the couch.

  It’s the memory of seeing her hand in Austin’s that gnaws at him as he waits. He plays her angry words over and over in his head, thinking about what she’d said. He’d made a huge mistake; he never should have followed them and he certainly shouldn’t have punched Austin, no matter how much he deserved it. No, he owed her way more than she owed him. He shouldn’t have let his jealousy play a part in their meeting.

  It’s close to midnight when the front door opens. Expecting Austin, West takes a deep breath; he’s finally talked himself into remaining calm until he can hear the facts from his brother. No more jumping to conclusions, he repeats in his head as the light on the table next to him flips on. Mindy and Carson walk in startled to find him slumped on the couch.

  “West! You scared the crap out of me!” Mindy squeals, pressing her hand to her chest. “What are you doing sitting in the dark?”

  He sits forward, propping his elbows on his knees and taking his head in his hands. “He’s not coming home.” There’s a pause and West looks at his oldest brother. Carson locks the front door behind him, shrugging as he exchanges a questioning look with Mindy. “Tell me you two didn’t know?” West asks.

  “Didn’t know what?” Mindy asks, as she crosses the room and sits beside him on the couch.

  “Austin is with Jules.”

  “What?” Carson’s knee-jerk reaction answers West’s question. He’d had no idea.